COMING CLEAN: I'm a retreater, a ponderer, a meditator. I like to handle hardships on my own without letting others in. I need lots of quiet, alone time to try and process weighted situations or unspeakable emotions. I'm honest and if you pry, I won't lie, but it's uncomfortable admitting when I'm not doing all that well. I think it is for most people. So I tend to hide. I hide away until I can "get myself together" or at least until I can see the light at the end of the tunnel so that when people ask how I am I can say, "Well I went through this "hard place" but now I see this "awesome thing" I was "supposed to learn". Why is it that culturally we're expected to have a follow up of something positive when we're going through tough times? I think it's because it makes everyone uncomfortable. In fact, I may be making you uncomfortable right now!! Good, because I'm uncomfortable writing about it, ha!
There is no right or wrong way of dealing with hardships. Everyone has an opinion of how you "should be" handling things in your life. And even when others share their experiences, sometimes it helps and sometimes all you can think is, "thanks, but that's YOUR story. Not mine.". I believe as long as you aren't hurting others or yourself, finding your own way is part of the process. Even though it's hard to see when everything sucks, I do deep down believe that everything in life is for the good. So even though hope is constant, don't beat yourself up in the low moments. Life isn't about avoiding pain. I've found it healthier to embrace the pain and try to move through it, not try and back up and pretend it never happened. And give yourself time. Time is a hard thing to give yourself. Life moves so fast and it's easy to be impatient with yourself. Being still, listening, and meditation is good for the soul.
So where have I been? And why haven't I been blogging?! I've been purposely retreating. I took myself off of social media. And now I'm slowly coming back. If you hear me say anything today, I want you to know that no matter what you're going through, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Whatever your situation is, I guarantee that others would feel the same way you do if they were going through what you are. Everyone thinks at some point or another that they're not going to make it. Everyone.
I had coffee with someone recently that reminded me how important it is to believe that God will come through for you. That sounds so unbelievable when you feel your whole world is falling apart. But I just thought to myself, I want that. I think defining what "God coming through for you" specifically means could be a dangerous game. Life is always changing and things don't end up the way you thought they should. But to know that you are loved. To know that God delights in surprising you with HOW he comes through for you. That is something I can get on board with.
Much love to you all!!! Be kind to yourself, be kind to others! Everyone is doing the best they can!